Right. So I'm 'home'. Why do I live here?

Seriously. The only thing that I missed was the water, which is infinitely fresh and satisfying. I didn't miss dismay bathroom. My bedroom depresses me. Driving through town from the airport brought back a multitude of memories I wish would just fucking die. And these people....Hey, if anyone knows of an effective untraceable poison, please let me know.

They've become worse while I was gone. More 'Christian'. The parental units eat at the dinner table now and they say grace. I'm going to enquire to that as of now. Okay. I don't have to say grace with them, but they request that I do not start eating until they're done. Which I can deal with. They don't seem to be as completely unreasonable as I remember, but it is only the first day. I really hope this year is better.

One really major difference now is Kathleen. Last summer, I explained the terms of my communication abilities and she said it was fine, and it was, until around Christmas. Remember that? I was insane. Our connection dwindled seriously and it got to the point where I thought she didn't even care about me. I don't want that to happen, and I think we'll be better off, maybe. I hope today wasn't a good example of what it will be like. I was online for a while, and then I signed off and went to nap, asked her to call me when she got on, then got on 6 hours later and she was on.

I'm reeeeaaalllllllyyyy dependant right now. I'm going to try to master this, though. I unrelentlessly love and miss her and I really need her help in this transition phase. I guess it doesn't help much that the last couple of weeks we've been inseparable and now my orbit is out of alignment.

Okay, distraction. I received several pieces of mail in my absense. First, some boarding school, Keystone? sent me a flyer. This is good. It means my name is getting around in the education system, either through Duke or Hampden-Sydney. I have no intention of checking out Keystone. I'm going for NCSSM.

Also: my history teacher sent a letter about AP World History this year. She promises several hours of reading each night, and as you can imagine, I can hardly wait for that. I really hate to be one-minded, but that will definitely cut down on my online time.

Which is what, exactly? Apparantly Mariah has a time she gets on the computer every day, from 3-5? Whatevz, but then James is on an increasing amount, too. Looking up fucking Yu-Gi-Oh shit. What a loser. I wish I had a laptop and my own internet. Maybe I should consider buying an iBook now? Kathleen, please get back to me on that.

And next summer, my Mrs. Ricks is taking her history class on a trip to Europe. London, Paris, and Rome, all for under $3000. Now, first of all, fuck do I want to go. The chance to get out of this country AND off this continent?! Sign me up. It's goddamned Paris and Rome (screw London). But. I don't want to waste my summer like that. I have plans of being in Seattle and Chicago most of the summer, if I have my way. Plus, where the hell am I going to get three grand? If either Mom or Dad has that kind of money, I could think of other really nice things they could get me that I would like better. This is like that $500 trip to Washington DC in 8th grade, the 'trip of a lifetime'. Yeah, this beats the shit out of that with a metal baseball bat. I don't really want to go to have fun, though. I just want to go to say I went. I'd be content to not go and have people say that I did. Maybe there is some curiosity, but not three thousand dollars worth. Buy me a great camera and an iPod and my Powerbook and a down payment on a car, or something.

And Dad said something about getting a letter, but he didn't recognize who it was from and has misplaced it. What the hell? Someone actually writes me and it's lost? I love when people write me. But no one ever does, seriously. I write between 5-20 letters, e-mails, or just messages a week, and I receive perhaps 2. I think three weeks ago I had 4, but one was a chain letter.

Okay. I'm feeling a bit better. I'm really grateful for music. It helps drown everything else out.

Say something or make me cry. Immediately.
MJ


Edit. I really cussed a lot. I'm sorry. It's not like me. It's this noxious air I'm in. The stupidity is already suffocating me.