Fuck. I don't know why that bothers me so much. I mean, I know why it would at first, but I realize she wasn't serious and....argh. Okay.

Kathleen pretended she was breaking up with me. "MJ, it's not you, it's me. I don't think we should see each other anymore. So don't call me anymore or anything." That really hurt. And I know she was joking but it really stings that she would joke about that. Am I a joke?

I really hope she doesn't leave me, and I really hope that something like 'the shirt I'm wearing' isn't the reason for something like that. I know I'm jealous, passive, boring, and a million other negative traits, but I'm also sensitive and compassionate. I don't bruise easily, but some things really get to me. That really gets to me.

Truthfully, she sounds really annoyed with me half of the time whenever we talk. I dreamt the night before last that I called her and she was just yelling at me and making personal attacks. Kathleen is being a bit short with me, only to turn around a few seconds later with a sweet voice and a warm word. As romantic as the idea of her controlling my emotions is, I don't think she really understands how dependant I am or appreciates my obsession. Do I need to control this? I can't own anything it seems.

Why isn't unconditional love more prominantly obvious?

MJ