Name: I am MJ.
Age: About 16.
I am recovering.
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Tuesday, November 11, 2003
Matrixed (no spoilers)(unless you want them)
**Frustration**
I have written this entry TWICE NOW and i keep hitting the backspace key, which takes me back a page, completely erasing the entry!! Make it stop mommy! I have been writing my favorite quotes from the matrix, not 1 quote, or maybe 5, but 20, and all went down the drain!! I will do My favorite three before i screw up again....
I killed you, Mr. Anderson, I watched you die, with a certain satisfaction, I might add, and then something happened. Something that I knew was impossible, but it happened anyway.
You destroyed me, Mr. Anderson. Afterward, I knew the rules, I understood what I was supposed to do, but I didn't; I couldn't; I was compelled to stay, compelled to disobey,
and now, here I stand because of you, Mr. Anderson, because of you I am no longer an agent of this system, because of you I've changed, I'm unplugged, a new man, so to speak. Like
you, apparently free. -Agent Smith
Nom de Dieu de putain de bordel de merde de saloperie de connard d'enculé de ta mère [name of God of whore of brothel of s*** of filth of jerk of f***ing your mother up the a**]. -Merovingian
Why, Mr. Anderson? Why do you do it? Why get up? Why keep fighting? Do you believe you're fighting for something? For more than your survival? Can you tell me what it is? Do you even know? Is it freedom? Or truth? Perhaps peace? Yes? No? Could it be for love? Illusions, Mr. Anderson. Vagaries of perception. The temporary constrects of a
feeble human intellect trying to deperately to justify an existence that is without meaning or purpose. And all of them as artificial as the Matrix itself, although only a human mind could invent something as insipid as love. You must be able to see it, Mr. Anderson. You must know it by now. You can't win. It's pointless to keep fighting. Why,
Mr. Anderson? Why? Why do you persist?! -Agent Smith
Ok, I am feeling a bit better....maybe later i'll get around to posting everything i wanted to originally. Please Post or comment, or else i may cry....from my anus....
MJ
Posted at 10:22 am by Akumeon
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Thursday, November 06, 2003
The Thoughts (a must read), by:MJ
Hi! I'm not quite myself right now....I was promised we would go see it tonight, but we didn't, and it's all Dulci and Phil's fault....I was going to be changed....I was going to realize the truth....but now I'm just tainted with bits and fragments of it....i cannot go back to a normal life with what I know now....I must complete the picture....tomorrow I shall complete the picture....I will change....I already have....maybe I will be freed....maybe if I do what they did, it will happen....but I know that's impossible....I'm not an anomally, and I don't want to play kiss up forever....but maybe, just maybe....I have the potential to be Great....to do what I have always dreamed....even Hitlar and Stalin were great....their ideas changed the world....I wish mine could destroy it....the systematic destruction of all humans....I would write it as a plot for a book....but I have a problem with anything not plot or dialog....I could feasable creat every aspect of it....but the actions taunt me....maybe I should make it a movie....but that wouldn't accomplish what i want done....directors are outgoing people who can give commands....authors are loners who have mysterious pasts....I know what I want I just don't know....the words I need to say to ask for it....are they beyond my reach?...or am I just deluding my self....I already know I am, but hope....the greatest source for strength....the greatest cause for suicide....while suicide is only for the great....a perfect person is one with complete control over their life, and that inludes their death....the only way to do that is to either arrange your death of make it happen yourself....if you can't, you aren't perfect, and many non-perfect people are suicidal too....gives you a look at both sides of the coin before you flip it....and then there is 'them' that one person who makes me not want anything to change....but if I didn't change, we would all be the same....if we all are the same the is no individuality, and without that, I could not be great....just some current thoughts of mine....please post or comment....I feel as if no one reads these.....
MJ
Posted at 10:13 pm by Akumeon
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Wednesday, November 05, 2003
Read this or forever more be smited.
Good day to you all! Or just you.... today and yesterday shall be the topic of this entry. Yesterday not much notable happened. I did get two of the four birthday cards i've been waiting for, a combined cash value of $70. I had alot of homework to do that was due today....and didn't get around to it, although i didn't really even need it today.... then I came home, had spaghetti and meatballs for dinner while we watched The Matrix: Reloaded for the 5th time. Tomorrow we go to see Revolutions on the big screen with Dulci and Phil and that excites me. Hear the enthusiasm in my writing? Saha was looking up complete movie reviews earlier, which pisses me off because that means he already knows how it's going to end, and what else is going to happen, and he's just going to dangle it over me and Mom's heads til it happens. Then today we had ice cream at school. It tasted like soy, but we got out of class for almost 30 minutes. I came home and got another birthday card, with another $50. Now I have enough money to get across the border!^_^ We had pizza, but Domino's screwed our fricking order up, so the cheese was burned and the pepperoni not thoroughly cooked. I need to do part of Chapter 5 for homework tonight, and I'm set! I started creative drwing again during class today in science, and the teacher took 20 minutes out of the schedule(german word) to discuss my drawing. Well, I was insulted. Everyone wanted to know 'what is it' but who says it's anything? It's my ideas and imagination. They all agreed it was nice, well detailed, and mysterious(we actually took a vote on those things) except for Danny who never has anything nice to say anyways. Maybe one day if my scanner works i will put it on my site....oh well....i'll leave the rest up to you....I haven't washed my hands* in two days, so i'm beginning to feel the effects.....
washed my hands*- does not even mean anything similar to washing my hands...it's an expression I use so i can talk about it in public...
Posted at 07:28 pm by Akumeon
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Monday, November 03, 2003
Mountain Dew and Queen: www.angelfire.com/crazy/evilcomics/cgi-bin/md.mp3
Hi! Right now i'm really psyched. My friend, Anna, someohow found a song that combines my religion (Montanism) and my favorite song (Bohemian Rhapsody). The result is spectacular. If you want to go listen to it, http://www.angelfire.com/crazy/evilcomics/cgi-bin/md.mp3 You don't have to save it, just open the page. If your too lazy to, then here are the Lyrics:
I see a little silloutto of a can,
Mountain Dew!
Mountain Dew!
Time to Dew the sandango!
Citrus tasting, Quenching,
very very exciting me!
Fantastico (fantastico) Fantastico (fatastico) Fantastico, figaro.
Magnifico!
They're just thirsty dudes, anybody knows that,
They're just thirsty dudes, out of the thirsty taste,
Sparing their life from this bad-ality,
Easy come, easy go, will he get the Dew?
Bismillah! No, he will not get the Dew!
Get the Dew!
Bismillah! She will not get the Dew!
Get the Dew!
Bismillah! They will not get the Dew!
Get the Dew!
Who will get the Dew?
Get the Dew!
We will get the Dew!
We ill, here we Go-ooooo!!!
Very well thought out, obviously...not much else going on....just trying not to fall behind in class...i'll post later.
MJ
Posted at 06:05 pm by Akumeon
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Saturday, November 01, 2003
Hi! Today is November 1st, 2003. I woke up at 10:30, ate some cold chinese (tasty) and went to Book-A-Million to do some volunteer work. They recently changed the layout of the manga section, so some of the good titles are displayed with the picture showing. They also got in a couple of new titles including a really good one called "Confedential Confessions." It's about real life situations, but it's really powerful stuff. I wouldn't touch it if your not up to it. Then Mom picked me up and we went to Dulci and Phil's. For the first 2 and a half hours, we ate pizza, and played Unreal Tournament, but at 8:30-9:00 we started a movie.The Animatrix. I finally got around to seeing it. It was great. It showed a good deal of detail about the matrix and it's origin, showed different perspectives on the matirx, and showed us that dude that says Neo saved him in Reloaded. It was mind bending. I got home at 11 and tried to call Alexis to wish her a happy birthday )(her birthday is the day after mine), but I didn't get an answer, so I hung up. I'll call her tomorrow. Thanks for reading!
MJ
Posted at 11:38 pm by Akumeon
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I'm desperate for pity. Can I have some?
Hey! Today was my birthday! Money is still tight, but Mom still managed to come through. She got me The Rosetta Stone Japanese Explorer, which is a language tutor, supposedly the best computer one in the world, we ordered good hand -tossed pizza, and she's going to get me new speakers and a track ball mouse from Phil. I wish she didn't think she had to do mulitply things and take the expensive route. I keep telling her not to always splurge, to save a bit, cause then I wouldn't have to loan her money, and I could be a kid and not have to worry about it. But back to life. I wore a black cape to school today. It wasn't because of Halloween, or my birthday, but because I wanted to. Call it a whim. I think everyone was secretly jealous, even though deep down everyone just pities me. Which is all I ask for. I need love, attention, and input. So at school, I told people it was my birthday, got choirs of "Happy Birthday!"and one card. Amanda got me a card that says "On your birthday, See no evil, Hear no evil, Speak no evil....but that leaves Do no evil wide open." and a gift card for a local theater. It was a great thing for her to do, and made me think my life was a bit better than previously thought. Why did I think that? Because the period before that, I saw Mitch and Katie (who I keep accidentally calling Felisha on accident) talking. I knew they were talking about sex (Mitch is like the shortest kid in class, so Katie thinks that's cool), and Katie said "You know i'll tie you to a chair and rape you." and they went on talking, and at two times Greg got into the conversation, the first time saying "Katie, do your boobs make up 14% of your body weight?" and then "I made cream cheese listening to you." which I find kinda disturbing, but even so I felt left out. It was one of the times I realize I have no friends. It's not that I'm unsocialable, it's just that I am cynical, I have a habit of over-analyzing things, and I have seen so much I can understand the real world (kinda falls under cynicism, but I feel they're different in some ways too.). When this combines with my unique and creative personality, I understand it can be hard to approach me. But I desperatly need someone to talk to. I am at a point in puberty where I need someone I can trust and one who can understand me. Like in science today we were discussin g life on other planets, and I said they would be Marskimos, eskimos on Mars, because it's so cold, and everyone was like "Your an idiot, MJ."But when you think about it, if humans lived on Mars, we'd be like eskimos in Margloos. Eat a Marlar Bear and go Marice fishing. But no one understud the concept. And I got so much homework piling up, I wanna start writing now that I have a plot and a character and some details, but I procrastinate, and it's gonna cost me. I'm done babbling and rambling for now. Say something if you pretend to want to care.
-MJ
Posted at 02:09 am by Akumeon
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Thursday, October 30, 2003
Hi! I'm sorry I haven't posted recently, but my mother was always around, and I don't want her to see what I write, which is kinda strange, since I don't even know you people, but I'm telling you all kinds of things. But then again, I don't have to live with you. I spent all of last night working on a history project (an entire colonial newspaper) that was due today, and I finished, I hope I get full credit. Today I did the minimum ammount of work as possible while not having alot of homework (I still have some all variable algebra(I believe it's called literal equations) and it's like S=L-rL, and we need to find what L equals (which is L= S divided by (1-r)). It's pretty pointless. In English, we're going to start a newspaper (I'm going to ask for my own column), but I have no idea what Taylor or Amanda might do. I'd like to have a job that allows me to work with them. At lunch Rahma was still fasting. I wish I had the pride to do something like that, even though I know she only does it because it's her religion (she's muslim I think). I had to get a new I.D., not because I lost mine, but because I left it at home. I came home, found out the cable guy will be here between now and three hours from now, so I gotta hurry before he comes to unplug me. Tomorrow is my birthday. I hope someone not related to me remembers. I think it would be nice if a complete stranger came up to me and said "Happy Birthday!" like I do. Which reminds me! In fifth period, Jennifer wrote me a birthday note/card thing, and she said her pumpkin sucked, so I drew her a pumpkin like XD, only with space between the 'eyes'. I gotta go now, but I'm sure I will be on in the future.
Posted at 05:10 pm by Akumeon
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Tuesday, October 28, 2003
What do I have to say for you to read this?
Hi! Today at school we went on a field trip to our local newspaper, which actually has a circulation of over 300,000. We missed the first four periods and then went to a park. We got divided into groups of 2 and gave an assignment(you can spell two cuss words from assignment). It was really boring, but my partner, Lauren, kept rubbing my inner thigh with her shoe. Then midway through, our teacher had to split up a group, so Courtny got added to our group. She's a grade lower than me and Lauren, but she's very logical, which makes her pretty smart. Near the end of the project they were debating what the correct definition or an orgasm was. I tried to stay out of it, but now I wish I would have put more input in.... Oh well, no sense dwelling on the past, I am sure Lauren will talk to me again! I came home, and decided I don't wanna be a hobo when I grow up, so I'm going to do my homework, and afterwords probably write some more in my OJ(online journal(kinda strange it's an OJ, though)). Please talk to me, because no system can operate without feedback!
MJ
Posted at 05:12 pm by Akumeon
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Monday, October 27, 2003
Hi! Wheither you've been following along or just tuning in, you will be able to appriciate this. I had a dream 4 days ago. It starts out in a blue room. I notice some things about myself is different, like I'm wearing clothes I don't own and I have no scab on my hand (accident with a metal ruler). This makes me think it is something yet to come. But anyways. I'm wearing a watch and I walk towards a door. I go outside, and I see the really annoying black kid in my class named Anthony. What kind of a name is Anthony for a black kid? He comes up to me and tells me the earthquake has started. I walk away and suddenly an earthquake does start. I live in Florida. Nearest techtonic movement - 2000 miles. But anyways. I know that the only way it will start is if everyone stops thinking. Then I go into a warehouse and there's Amanda(read last entry for details) She's standing next to a tall wall of paint. I remember specifically the sky blue paint falling from the ceiling. I take her hand, and throw her onto a matress. Then I do something that tunrs this dream into a nightmare. I take out a gun, cock it, and shoot her repeatedly. I must have emptied twenty rounds in her chest. I then go to her body and pray. I woke up next, in an icey cold sweat. I hope that this dream was just that - a dream, because if I was to go on a homicidal rampage, she would be that second to last to go. I would be last. But the strange coincidenses started to happen. My mom says our neighbors just painted their interior red. Maybe that's where it all starts. And Anthony talks to me more often. I'm a little edgy aroung Amanda now, because as it says in the Bible, you can't escape death.
Posted at 06:28 pm by Akumeon
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Will anyone read this? I'd like to know I'm not writing this for just myself...
Hello again! Today is Monday, October 27th, and only 4 more days until my birthday. Or rather, 4 days until I was born 14 years ago. Today at school in second period gym we were playing basketball, and basketball is not a good game for me because I cannot throw or catch. I can dribble and run though! Well, lucky for me, I got paired with Scott, who is almost 6' and the biggest baller at my school. We stomped butt. We played 4 games five minutes each, and left with a game score of4-0. Then we took a 10 minute breather, went back in, and lost 4-4. I guess we had some karma to burn off. I told Amanda(I';ll get to her in a second) I blamed Montan, but I blamed him in a way that determined fate. Then I went to English, where we were drawing events that happened in a book in comic style. I did mine in Manga style, because comics are usually short and funny, and manga is long, and enjoyable. In one, I got a bit off topic, I drew a human sized ant standing next to two ant sized humans, with a moo-pig on the side. The ant says 'I stole cows', then the humans say 'We caught him!' and the moo-pig says 'Why'd ya do it, Johnny?' I don't know why, but then I started combining animals until I had this turtle shell with a chicken head up front, and chicken legs for fins, and a Science textbook with a mustasce, gotee, and really thick eyebrows.Then we went to History, where we started watching The Patriot for a study of the American Revolution. Finally I went to science, and listened to the sub drone on and on. The bitch held us three minutes after class. I came home, poured me a glass of Mountain Dew on the rocks, and started here! About Amanda! I'm in gifted classes, but last year, before I was, we were in the same standard class. I was always friendly towards her, but I had very little reason to be her friend. The I went into gifted, and I was a bit nicer to her. during the history fair I met her mom(I was polite), and gave her mom a good image of me. Over the Summer she had a birthday party at the waterpark 20 miles away and invited me. I paniced. I didn't know her well enough to know what to get her! But my mom came through at litterally the last hour, and decided it was a good idea to go and play safe. I got her the one gift you can give any woman and have her like it, jewelry. I spent(she doesn't know this) $80 on a gold(14k) necklace with a copper hummingbird in a flower(very detailed). We played in the park for 4 hours, and I was the only guy. All 9 of us stayed in a group the whole time, and it was very cool to be around 8 teenage girls in bikinis. When we opened gifts, I had her open hers from me last, and it was best. I could tell she liked it, and her mom was impressed. Her dad came up to me and mumbled in my ear "Decided to play it safe, eh?" She wore it to school the first month, and every couple of days since then, but something happened. I knew less of the people in my classes, so I became better friends with those I knew. I began to share my ideas with her, and talked to her alot. I could tell I was starting to like her. I wrote how I felt(I feel very childish having to write it) and the class period before I gave it to her, I hear from her friend she said yes to Hoffman! He asked her out last week, and she said yes!
Well, I gave her the sheet of paper then and there, and let her read it. She went home early that day, but wrote me a reply the next day. I dug it up to show you:
Dear ****,
First of all, DON'T LET ANYONE ELSE READ THIS! (*****Hoffman's feelings might get hurt!) You see, I have so much more fun around you then him! I don't know why I went out with him, I thought if I said no, he'd be hurt! I always thought you might like me, but since you never asked, I had my doubts. What I'm trying to say is I like you too. Right now, I have no reason to break up with him. But don't worry about my "feelings" for him, because there aren't any! Maybe if we do break up(only if you want to) you and I can go out! I hope this makes you feel better!
Your friend,
Amanda
Obviously, I have mixed emotions about that. Let's get some things straight. First, I have never had a girlfriend. Second, Amanda is much too sweet a girl to dump this guy for no reason. Third, if she did dump him because someone else wanted to, what's to stop her from dumping me when someone else asks her out? Fourth, she only knows Hoffman from her elective class. So I told her I wanted to go out with her, but I didn't want her to feel obligated to do it. Bad move on my part. She decided to see if she coulkd rekindle her and Hoffman's relationship. He hadn't done anything with/for her. She tried to get him to go to the movies, asked if he was going to the dance, and he just wasn't doing anything.it's been 2 months and she's still with him. I don't want to pressure her, but I think he's gonna win! So lately I've been using Amanda as a filter for my creative ideas, which in itself is a good idea. I'm including her opinion in my life, and making her feel special. But she won't dump Hoffman. And then I had a weird dream. I'll make a new entry for that, cause this is getting long. Sorry!
Posted at 06:12 pm by Akumeon
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