Name: I am MJ.
Age: About 16.
I am recovering.
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Tuesday, November 25, 2003
This one goes out to Daniela and Cassie!
Good day to you! Today is 30 days from Christmas, but I actually only have 20. Three days ago I was a mess. I missed the few people I knew close enough to call my friends, and I hadn't talked to them in days, and it made me realize that I have no one I see on a day to day basis to call 'pal'. But I finally got to hear from two of those three people (I'm talkiing to one right now!), so I'm better.....Today in science I was kinda spacing out and writing in different fonts for each letter to spell out words. It looked pretty cool, but then Danny took it, made it into an airplane, and threw it. Then in History, we spent 90% of the period off topic discusses reliion, just to defy the government. We were talking about the many different religions, and I managed to steer the converstion to Neo-Montanism. It was such a gotc, we decide to make a copy of the bible for everyone, and tomorrow we will spend the period discussing it (hear that Enu? this will clear up holes in the story. We're Gifted, so we spot problems easy.).I'm starting to not need to wash my hands but every other day. This is good, because it means my hormones are finally calming down. I won't be on again til Monday. We're going to my uncles for Thanksgiving. Pfffft. As for my story/book, I think I need to think of one more aspect, remember the first 20, and then I'll start the rough draft/poutline. If you or anyone you know has a suggestion or something you want me to slip in the story/book, let me know. Please post or comment.
MJ
Posted at 08:33 pm by Akumeon
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Friday, November 21, 2003
The happenings of MJ.....
| I |
decided |
to |
Make |
a |
table |
| for |
this |
blog |
entry. |
I |
guess |
| I |
was |
pretty |
bored |
to |
stoop |
| down |
to |
this |
level. |
Or |
maybe |
| i'm |
just |
expermenting |
with |
new |
things. |
| Or |
maybe |
this |
is |
a |
sign. |
Hello loyal people! Today is/was Friday. The 21st. Of November. Why am I dragging this out? I went to school, did my homework before class, tried to have as little participation in class as my personality would allow, came home, found someone mailed me....Woot! It was PFM.....(pure fucking magic).....Grandma again, but that's better than no one....or at least I think so....anyways....i really miss her.........lots and lots.....but she doesn't know....not yet anyways....i wonder if she will care? I hope I find out.....
MJ
Posted at 05:27 pm by Akumeon
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Thursday, November 20, 2003
Hmm....it seems it was hard to read my blog when it was orange. It's fixed. Well, lately has been pretty busy....with me procrastinating in all. I think I might of found one. One I can call 'friend'. I won't get in to that.... but lately i've been feeling kinda philisophical....although reading Arthur Clarke books might be contributing to that...I wish I knew what I really wanted and how I could ask for it....and that I could be great.... The ability to increase and decrease things at will would be nice too.....i just can't seem to keep my head straight....must be all these hormones. There has been a large bit of discussion about my last entry. It was not meant for your enjoyment, just so I could express my feelings. Post please. I need the feeling someone is reading what I write....kinda like end of term exams....i don't really know anyone reads it unless they comment....
Posted at 06:26 pm by Akumeon
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Tuesday, November 18, 2003
The Dream (this one's more erotic(slightly))
I know it's been awhile since my last post, but I finally got some privacy....so last night, I had this crazy dream. Ok, some details: My dad lives in North Carolina, his, my step-sister's bed is four feet off the ground, and my dad's old microwave died, and we've gotten a new one, and we are naked the whole dream, i'm never at school before 8:30....
The Dream:
Ok, this girl (I think I know her from somewhere....not sure where as of now...for the sake of truth, we will call her Jennifer), Jennifer, and I are in my stepsister's bed (it's dark). The door was closed. She was on top of me, and we were doing it. I noticed only the head was penetrating, and I remember thinking that maybe if we switched positions, maybe it would go in all the way. But suddenly I cum. Not in her, but everywhere...somehow she gets some on her hands. I get out from under her, and reach over the side of the bed and get a dark blue washcloth, and sart wiping myself off. When I was almost done, the little left on my penis turned dark red, and I cleaned it off with an eraser. I realized Jennifer got no enjoyment out of that experience, and I told her I would help her in a minute. We head down the hallway and see my mom sleeping on the couch. I see the old microwave and it says 5:13. Suddenly, Jennifer gets on all fours and says something loud. I said shh, but I think my dad heard anyways. I ran back to my step-sisters room and jumped on the bed. I heard my dad say "What was that all about" but I just shrugged. Jennifer came into the room and shut the door behind her, then I looked out the window and saw this tree like, jab it's branches towards me for what seemed like a minute. Then I heard my school bell ring, and I was suddenly waking up in class. I looked at the clock and it said 6:05. I say Mrs. Hahn (not a teacher, a counciler) and said "I usually don't sleep this late. Why'd you let me sleep so late, Mrs. Arnold?" and she said something like 'Sleep is important' or 'Everyone needs sleep' and then I woke up.
Anyone who can interpret dreams can te;; you the clock things means I'm feeling pressure with deadlines, and the sex thing means i'm not satisfyed with my partner (I don't have one). If this is the case or not, it still freaked me out....kinda a good dream....
Posted at 05:30 pm by Akumeon
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Tuesday, November 11, 2003
Matrixed (no spoilers)(unless you want them)
**Frustration**
I have written this entry TWICE NOW and i keep hitting the backspace key, which takes me back a page, completely erasing the entry!! Make it stop mommy! I have been writing my favorite quotes from the matrix, not 1 quote, or maybe 5, but 20, and all went down the drain!! I will do My favorite three before i screw up again....
I killed you, Mr. Anderson, I watched you die, with a certain satisfaction, I might add, and then something happened. Something that I knew was impossible, but it happened anyway.
You destroyed me, Mr. Anderson. Afterward, I knew the rules, I understood what I was supposed to do, but I didn't; I couldn't; I was compelled to stay, compelled to disobey,
and now, here I stand because of you, Mr. Anderson, because of you I am no longer an agent of this system, because of you I've changed, I'm unplugged, a new man, so to speak. Like
you, apparently free. -Agent Smith
Nom de Dieu de putain de bordel de merde de saloperie de connard d'enculé de ta mère [name of God of whore of brothel of s*** of filth of jerk of f***ing your mother up the a**]. -Merovingian
Why, Mr. Anderson? Why do you do it? Why get up? Why keep fighting? Do you believe you're fighting for something? For more than your survival? Can you tell me what it is? Do you even know? Is it freedom? Or truth? Perhaps peace? Yes? No? Could it be for love? Illusions, Mr. Anderson. Vagaries of perception. The temporary constrects of a
feeble human intellect trying to deperately to justify an existence that is without meaning or purpose. And all of them as artificial as the Matrix itself, although only a human mind could invent something as insipid as love. You must be able to see it, Mr. Anderson. You must know it by now. You can't win. It's pointless to keep fighting. Why,
Mr. Anderson? Why? Why do you persist?! -Agent Smith
Ok, I am feeling a bit better....maybe later i'll get around to posting everything i wanted to originally. Please Post or comment, or else i may cry....from my anus....
MJ
Posted at 10:22 am by Akumeon
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Thursday, November 06, 2003
The Thoughts (a must read), by:MJ
Hi! I'm not quite myself right now....I was promised we would go see it tonight, but we didn't, and it's all Dulci and Phil's fault....I was going to be changed....I was going to realize the truth....but now I'm just tainted with bits and fragments of it....i cannot go back to a normal life with what I know now....I must complete the picture....tomorrow I shall complete the picture....I will change....I already have....maybe I will be freed....maybe if I do what they did, it will happen....but I know that's impossible....I'm not an anomally, and I don't want to play kiss up forever....but maybe, just maybe....I have the potential to be Great....to do what I have always dreamed....even Hitlar and Stalin were great....their ideas changed the world....I wish mine could destroy it....the systematic destruction of all humans....I would write it as a plot for a book....but I have a problem with anything not plot or dialog....I could feasable creat every aspect of it....but the actions taunt me....maybe I should make it a movie....but that wouldn't accomplish what i want done....directors are outgoing people who can give commands....authors are loners who have mysterious pasts....I know what I want I just don't know....the words I need to say to ask for it....are they beyond my reach?...or am I just deluding my self....I already know I am, but hope....the greatest source for strength....the greatest cause for suicide....while suicide is only for the great....a perfect person is one with complete control over their life, and that inludes their death....the only way to do that is to either arrange your death of make it happen yourself....if you can't, you aren't perfect, and many non-perfect people are suicidal too....gives you a look at both sides of the coin before you flip it....and then there is 'them' that one person who makes me not want anything to change....but if I didn't change, we would all be the same....if we all are the same the is no individuality, and without that, I could not be great....just some current thoughts of mine....please post or comment....I feel as if no one reads these.....
MJ
Posted at 10:13 pm by Akumeon
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Wednesday, November 05, 2003
Read this or forever more be smited.
Good day to you all! Or just you.... today and yesterday shall be the topic of this entry. Yesterday not much notable happened. I did get two of the four birthday cards i've been waiting for, a combined cash value of $70. I had alot of homework to do that was due today....and didn't get around to it, although i didn't really even need it today.... then I came home, had spaghetti and meatballs for dinner while we watched The Matrix: Reloaded for the 5th time. Tomorrow we go to see Revolutions on the big screen with Dulci and Phil and that excites me. Hear the enthusiasm in my writing? Saha was looking up complete movie reviews earlier, which pisses me off because that means he already knows how it's going to end, and what else is going to happen, and he's just going to dangle it over me and Mom's heads til it happens. Then today we had ice cream at school. It tasted like soy, but we got out of class for almost 30 minutes. I came home and got another birthday card, with another $50. Now I have enough money to get across the border!^_^ We had pizza, but Domino's screwed our fricking order up, so the cheese was burned and the pepperoni not thoroughly cooked. I need to do part of Chapter 5 for homework tonight, and I'm set! I started creative drwing again during class today in science, and the teacher took 20 minutes out of the schedule(german word) to discuss my drawing. Well, I was insulted. Everyone wanted to know 'what is it' but who says it's anything? It's my ideas and imagination. They all agreed it was nice, well detailed, and mysterious(we actually took a vote on those things) except for Danny who never has anything nice to say anyways. Maybe one day if my scanner works i will put it on my site....oh well....i'll leave the rest up to you....I haven't washed my hands* in two days, so i'm beginning to feel the effects.....
washed my hands*- does not even mean anything similar to washing my hands...it's an expression I use so i can talk about it in public...
Posted at 07:28 pm by Akumeon
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Monday, November 03, 2003
Mountain Dew and Queen: www.angelfire.com/crazy/evilcomics/cgi-bin/md.mp3
Hi! Right now i'm really psyched. My friend, Anna, someohow found a song that combines my religion (Montanism) and my favorite song (Bohemian Rhapsody). The result is spectacular. If you want to go listen to it, http://www.angelfire.com/crazy/evilcomics/cgi-bin/md.mp3 You don't have to save it, just open the page. If your too lazy to, then here are the Lyrics:
I see a little silloutto of a can,
Mountain Dew!
Mountain Dew!
Time to Dew the sandango!
Citrus tasting, Quenching,
very very exciting me!
Fantastico (fantastico) Fantastico (fatastico) Fantastico, figaro.
Magnifico!
They're just thirsty dudes, anybody knows that,
They're just thirsty dudes, out of the thirsty taste,
Sparing their life from this bad-ality,
Easy come, easy go, will he get the Dew?
Bismillah! No, he will not get the Dew!
Get the Dew!
Bismillah! She will not get the Dew!
Get the Dew!
Bismillah! They will not get the Dew!
Get the Dew!
Who will get the Dew?
Get the Dew!
We will get the Dew!
We ill, here we Go-ooooo!!!
Very well thought out, obviously...not much else going on....just trying not to fall behind in class...i'll post later.
MJ
Posted at 06:05 pm by Akumeon
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Saturday, November 01, 2003
Hi! Today is November 1st, 2003. I woke up at 10:30, ate some cold chinese (tasty) and went to Book-A-Million to do some volunteer work. They recently changed the layout of the manga section, so some of the good titles are displayed with the picture showing. They also got in a couple of new titles including a really good one called "Confedential Confessions." It's about real life situations, but it's really powerful stuff. I wouldn't touch it if your not up to it. Then Mom picked me up and we went to Dulci and Phil's. For the first 2 and a half hours, we ate pizza, and played Unreal Tournament, but at 8:30-9:00 we started a movie.The Animatrix. I finally got around to seeing it. It was great. It showed a good deal of detail about the matrix and it's origin, showed different perspectives on the matirx, and showed us that dude that says Neo saved him in Reloaded. It was mind bending. I got home at 11 and tried to call Alexis to wish her a happy birthday )(her birthday is the day after mine), but I didn't get an answer, so I hung up. I'll call her tomorrow. Thanks for reading!
MJ
Posted at 11:38 pm by Akumeon
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I'm desperate for pity. Can I have some?
Hey! Today was my birthday! Money is still tight, but Mom still managed to come through. She got me The Rosetta Stone Japanese Explorer, which is a language tutor, supposedly the best computer one in the world, we ordered good hand -tossed pizza, and she's going to get me new speakers and a track ball mouse from Phil. I wish she didn't think she had to do mulitply things and take the expensive route. I keep telling her not to always splurge, to save a bit, cause then I wouldn't have to loan her money, and I could be a kid and not have to worry about it. But back to life. I wore a black cape to school today. It wasn't because of Halloween, or my birthday, but because I wanted to. Call it a whim. I think everyone was secretly jealous, even though deep down everyone just pities me. Which is all I ask for. I need love, attention, and input. So at school, I told people it was my birthday, got choirs of "Happy Birthday!"and one card. Amanda got me a card that says "On your birthday, See no evil, Hear no evil, Speak no evil....but that leaves Do no evil wide open." and a gift card for a local theater. It was a great thing for her to do, and made me think my life was a bit better than previously thought. Why did I think that? Because the period before that, I saw Mitch and Katie (who I keep accidentally calling Felisha on accident) talking. I knew they were talking about sex (Mitch is like the shortest kid in class, so Katie thinks that's cool), and Katie said "You know i'll tie you to a chair and rape you." and they went on talking, and at two times Greg got into the conversation, the first time saying "Katie, do your boobs make up 14% of your body weight?" and then "I made cream cheese listening to you." which I find kinda disturbing, but even so I felt left out. It was one of the times I realize I have no friends. It's not that I'm unsocialable, it's just that I am cynical, I have a habit of over-analyzing things, and I have seen so much I can understand the real world (kinda falls under cynicism, but I feel they're different in some ways too.). When this combines with my unique and creative personality, I understand it can be hard to approach me. But I desperatly need someone to talk to. I am at a point in puberty where I need someone I can trust and one who can understand me. Like in science today we were discussin g life on other planets, and I said they would be Marskimos, eskimos on Mars, because it's so cold, and everyone was like "Your an idiot, MJ."But when you think about it, if humans lived on Mars, we'd be like eskimos in Margloos. Eat a Marlar Bear and go Marice fishing. But no one understud the concept. And I got so much homework piling up, I wanna start writing now that I have a plot and a character and some details, but I procrastinate, and it's gonna cost me. I'm done babbling and rambling for now. Say something if you pretend to want to care.
-MJ
Posted at 02:09 am by Akumeon
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