Six Walls Of The Cosmos
(named after the six bends montan Duki makes circling the universe)
Six directions for a life of Duki
1. There is no drink but mountain Dew
2. There is no God but for the one great being that is Montan Duki
3. Give to the temple at least once in your lifetime
4. Spread the word of Montan Duki to all you deem worthy
5. You must exhibit no cruelty to any reptilian creatures or dragons, for they will get their revenge in the second coming
6. Make a pilgrimage to the pepsi factory at least once in your lifetime
"Do these things and you are granted eternal happiness"
I. Genesis
In the beginning there was nothing but Montan Duki. From his mouth frothed the very thing of life and happiness itself, of course it was not called Mountain Dew back then...
After many years, he felt that he must share his gift with something. So he created life in his own image...
dragons.
(This is different from other religions which cites humans as the master species and inheritors of the earth. It is very imperative to remember that Dragons are the master species and humans came as accidental)
(*note= there are two subspecies of dragons: the small land dragons (european) and large sky dragons(asian) . The ruler of all dragons, second in commnd to montan duki, is the smallest of all land dragons. he is mentioned later)
They lived for many eons on the still forming planet.They knew one thing only-the happiness that Mountain Dew gives.
II. The Great War a ma Bob
(in original texts, the great war thingy)
Over the years this monkey like thing evolved and it was called man. Unlike the dragons they had opposable thumbs. Greedy and thirsting for the strange happiness the dragons possessed, and archetyping all dragons as fire breathing beasts, an untrue fact created through legend, they waged the first and longest war ever waged. The height of the battle came in the Middle Ages as weapons technology advanced, until only a handful remained.
Montan Duki was angered by these inferior beings that came by from random evolution, that destroyed his plan for eternal happiness. The world went into a downward spiral as the essence of happiness dissapeared from the landscape.
(mountain dew is inexhaustibly created in dragon's interiors)
That is why we are never satisfied with our lives or acheivements.
However, he saw that humans were mentally more complex than dragons, in an arbitrary way. He withheld destroying them so he could study them destroying themselves.
III. Revival
In A.D. 1941*
Barney Hartman the chosen one** entered an aboandoned warehouse in Tennesee. There he found and slaughtered the Last Dragon on Earth, Steve the King of Dragons. But out of the Dragon's belly flowed the stuff of Duki...
He marketed it in liquid form, and called it, sheerly by coincidence, mountain dew.
And Montan Duki saw it was good.
(* originally A.D. 1970, but the topic was further reseached Mountain Dew seems to be older than I thought. More info at http://mountaindew.com/about_dew/history/index.php. A.D. stands for After Duki. I haven't tallied how, come on I havent gotten that far yet)
**originally Josep the chosen one, but the topic was further reseached)
IV. Second Revival
And yet, the people lived in ignorance until the important date A.D. 2002. Montan Duki decided it was time to reveal to the masses the future of their souls. He did not choose as prophet a dragon of his own image, or a man of power, but a little girl. He came in a vision to her every night,helping her spread the truth, the one and only truth: Montan Duki.
Determined to share her revelations, Aya went to school and told anyone who would listen everything she heard in her dreams. One day she sat on a table, and suddenly a thousand sayings entered her brain, and she began spouting like a madman.
"The very end of life itself is coming, but do not be afraind. Spread the word of Duki to all who will beleive, and you will be transformed into the cosmos itself. And even though you may die, you will still see with eyes unclouded. Even as your body rots in the soil, your spirit will remain unchanged. Anyone who will beleive me, come with me and spread not only truth, but hope."
Disciples stepped forward, and the revolution began.
(among other sayings that are nonsense right now)
At the end of the beginning, it is said, that the first returning dragon will come from heaven and she will ride it to Montan duki, to be eaten and reborn in an immortal body.*
*loose translation
V. Prophecy
At the end of human progress there will come a loosely referred by Montan Duki as the end of the beginning, the revolution will come. The second dragon race will be created by him. They will pour from the mountains and rise from the seas and rain from the skies, destroying all those who do not drink mountain dew. All of the Smited will be forgotten, and the believers will be granted the immortality of dragons, to live in mountain dew revelry until the end of time.*
*a complicated thing involving theories of Takari, a companion book thats also very long
VI. Diction
(aka rules comandments and expectations)
The holy shrine of the warrior monks lives within time.
A donated can of mountain dew will give you good luck for one week.
The cans are then trained in the ways of Duki combat. (which is kind of like tinmetal ninjitsu)
These warriors will play a pivotal role in the end of the beginning.
***
No Soda besides the following is allowed by the faith
Mountain dew and all variations thereof
Livewire and all variations thereof
Code Red and all variations thereof
Amp
Other brands are generic shoddy cons to turn you to unhappiness. It is allowable to drink these as long as you drink two cans of mountain dew in the following week to cleanse them out of you. Otherwise your body is considered unclean and immoral.
Priests and prophets of the faith can only drink water, nonsoada, and mountain dew.
Pepsi is acceptable beacause it is the same brand.
