Oh, Corey....

Whenever I read your blog I'm filled with very strong emotions that I can't explain. It's not common for me to feel this strongly about anything. There's just something about your situation, about who you are. I want to help, but I'm afraid. Your youthful innocence is completely pure, it's making me cry (it's these hormones), but I know if I get too close I'll taint you. My malice, my sarcasm, my narcissistic cynicism. Corey, you are a good person. You are a great person. But you are so good that you make me feel bad about who I am.

I read how lonely you are and I want to reach out. I try to reach out. No one should ever have to be alone. It's one of life's lessons I've experienced firsthand. I don't want you to have to experience it too. I want you to be living your life to it's fullest, enjoying your adolescence. That's why it's so hard for me to take any steps. I know that I will ruin the ride for you, spoil the experience.

I'm not sure whether to thank you or apologize,
Matt

Corey moved to Jacksonville over Christmas break. From his standpoint, his only friends are Elayna and I, which makes me feel bad because I'm not a very good friend. He truly does make me feel like a horrible person. The wrongs I do him make me feel like I've lived a very paltry life. How can he shrug off his loneliness?

I have no idea where his father is. I won't ask. His mom supports both him and his sister. I've followed his blog for months now, and I feel like he's used to being lonely and not having money to flaunt.

I think part of his lack of friends may be because of his tastes; which are very simple. He likes pizza and final fantasy and eating pizza and playing final fantasy. So when Elayna befriended him (and I kind of tolerated him), he was content. He's happy with the little bit he has. Which makes me feel ungrateful for all I have and yet I'm still not satisfied.  I am a repulsive being.

Up until recently, I haven't really tried to be there for him. But I read how dependant he is on Elayna, I see myself in him. A better me. Certainly a taller me. Corey inspires in me all of the guilt I feel for growing up early.

MJ